10 Years

I can't believe a decade has come and gone since our wedding day. Time really has changed us and I look fondly on those first few year. Shockingly I would never want to relive them. I love how we have grown and what we have learned. He makes me not fear getting older. After the wedding day is when the real learning began.

10 things about 10 years.

1. Marriage is a picture of the most important relationship. Christ and his church.
2. A lot can happen in 10 years, but 10 years is not that long.
3. We NEED community.
4. We NEED discipleship.
5. Love languages are actually a thing.
6. We are both still individually brother and sister in Christ.
7. We HAVE to study scripture individually regularly, and constantly encourage each other to do so.
8. Sometimes our needs clash and that is okay. Sacrificing for the other is a beautiful thing.
9. We found a hobby that we both love to do together.
10. We give each other breaks often.

Ingredients for strength.

The best thing that has strengthened our marriage over these years has been our small groups. We attended one for the first 5 years and sat under strong teaching. Then we led one for 4 years and now we have been under strong teaching again in our newest small group!

The greatest influence between us is what we are learning about God at the time. Staying far away from vague Christianity and world wisdom is no easy task, and studying scripture is hard work, but it is what keeps us on our feet at all times. Learning deeper Theology, why we believe what we believe, changes our perspective of ourselves, humbles us and allows us to forgive.

What looks different 10 years later.

We fight way less than we did in the beginning. We enjoy the same things way more. We can handle a lot more stress now than we did those first few years (I blame having kids for that one). We want to do things together more now than ever before, and we are aware of the need to give each other a break now and then.

What I mean by giving each other a break is that we just let each other be alone or have fun without the other often. Ryan will take the kids to the store so I can do what I need to do for an hour, or he will go out with friends to a movie or golfing. Honestly, I get more of the breaks than he does because I deal with the kids 99% more than he does. Other ways he gives me breaks is when he jumps on the trampoline or puts them to bed. It's short moments but they mean everything.

When we are not paying attention, we can easily go a week without having a real conversation. Our 6 year old loves to talk and is constantly interrupting us. Ryan is great at telling her to be quiet for the moment if we need to talk about something. Having him do it is better because I am with her most of the time, and he is showing her how important our relationship is.

Our hobby is a bit of an expensive one, buuuutttt I love that we share it. WE LOVE RENOVATING! We love a good home project. We love dreaming, saving and doing. We mesh well in this area because we love the same things. He lets me design and we love to work hard together. It's a bit of a challenge with the kids around, but we make it work.

Dreaming Together (and the enneagram)

I am a 2w3 and Ryan is a hard 6 (I think his wing is a 5). Sometimes when we are in the car ready for church (late as usual) he will get out at the end of the driveway and check the waterline cover in our yard. JUST BECAUSE. It is infuriating and SO RANDOM. But he is a solid 6 and worry is his middle name. He will jiggle the door 3 times after locking it before he leaves in the morning, and he bought me a hair straightener that automatically shuts off after 30 minutes. These just scratch the surface. My base is 2 but my 3 comes out in these moments (progress over perfection) and being late or not getting enough done in the shortest amount of time sometimes is affected by his "checking and making sure" moments. My "it'll be fine let's move on" attitude really clashes with him.

We have learned how to speak to each other's personality types. Like, He can see when my load is heavy and he jumps in to help before I become crazy overwhelmed. We dream together and I KNOW he will find every angle that is wrong with an idea, but I know that he doesn't mean he hates the idea.

We dream about house projects, travel, our kids education and activities, future business ideas, leadership roles, and so much more. Our language toward each other has dramatically changed. We used to get 10 minutes into a conversation and have to shut it down because we could not understand each other and it would turn into a fight that sounds like, "just say it, you don't want to do it." "No, that's not what I said, I just don't think it can be done that way." "How can you not get it? I don't know how else to explain it."

Now I know when to keep my mouth shut so he can get all those "what ifs" out of the way. I respect that God made him to question everything, and he respects (and even now looks forward to) my dreams. And we can do so much more dreaming now than ever.

If this is what 10 years together looks like, then bring on the next 10!